Ch...ch...ch...changes...

About two years ago I noticed that I’d started to feel a bit weird. Not quite right. A bit 'off'. Not all the time, just sometimes. I was tired a lot, had insomnia, was sometimes very sweaty in the night, irritable, from time to time my face went very hot, I was EXTREMELY emotional and I was having panic attacks.

I had come through a pretty bad phase in the previous five years; the break-up of a marriage, losing a business, unemployment, chronic back pain and finding out that my stepdad had cancer and needed a liver transplant. I accepted that my mental health had been affected by all of this but I was managing it with my running regime and some medication for the panic attacks.

I was very happy with a new partner, had a great new job as a personal trainer (and was therefore very fit) and all in all life was pretty good...so why was I feeling so bloody awful?

I did some very basic Google research into my symptoms and the same word kept cropping up: PERIMENOPAUSE.

I'd heard of the Menopause of course but Perimenopause? I didn't even know that was a thing. I thought "I'm too young for all this aren't I?" but the symptoms were pretty undeniable.

I spoke to one (female) GP who concurred that I was too young and said, when I asked whether I could have some sort of blood test to check my hormone levels, "we don't do blood tests any more for that" but didn't tell me why. As my ten minute appointment was up by this point she concluded by saying "we'll talk about your moods next time." My MOODS??!?

Unhappy with this I decided to join another doctors' surgery and to speak to another GP. This time the (male, early 30s) doctor told me once more that I was really too young to be having menopausal symptoms and anyway "there are risks of breast cancer if you take HRT" and how about some antidepressants?

I won't lie; I was tempted. In the preceding months since starting to feel 'weird' my depression had got pretty bad, even stopping me from working from time to time. On really bad days I felt like I was broken, like the 'wiring' in my brain was wrong, like I was losing my mind. But I felt very nervous of going down the antidepressant route and, anyway, what about all my other symptoms?

At this point I decided to go and see a private gynaecological specialist to see if they could help me understand what I was experiencing and why. Once again the specialist (female) told me that I was "a bit young" to be going through the menopause but that she would arrange blood tests to confirm and also book me in for a gynaecological 'M.O.T'. "Great," I thought, "they'll do the test, it'll confirm my hormone levels as perimenopausal/menopausal, they'll fix them AND my lady innards and I'll feel all better and back to being Happy Gemma again..."

Erm, nope.

"We've had the results back Ms Aldcroft and you're not menopausal." I actually broke down in tears. "But I must be! Why else am I feeling so appalling??" I thought. At this point I strongly considered the antidepressants.

Things came to a head when I went for the 'M.O.T', comprising two very commonplace and routine gynaecological procedures. I had a very bad reaction to one of them and was off work for far longer than I expected to be, was often experiencing crippling, searing pain (genuinely the most extreme pain I have ever suffered) and became deeply depressed.

I eventually went to see another GP. The (female) doctor immediately wrote me a month long sick note and, on hearing my symptoms, said "oh yes, it most definitely sounds like you're perimenopausal."

"But the blood test came back stating I wasn't." I replied.

"Hormone levels change daily if not more so and anyway, I can diagnose you symptomatically. You have too many symptoms for it not to be perimenopause. Now let me talk to you about your options for hormone replacement therapy..."

I wept with relief and joy. But I also wept for all those wasted months and the frustration. Why, WHY, had all those previous doctors not paid attention to my symptoms?? If I was, as they said, "a bit too young" to be going through menopause then why was I suffering with hot flushes and night sweats? And would antidepressants have sorted those out? Unlikely!

Thanks to that wonderful doctor I have been taking HRT in tablet form since January and my symptoms are much more manageable. It's not a magic wand by any means and I still suffer occasionally with hot flushes, insomnia and depression, anxiety and panic attacks (the latter three gradually creeping up in regularity and intensity in recent weeks sadly). I'm also developing new symptoms (brain fog, gastrointestinal issues) so it's also quite possible - probable in fact - that I will need a different, stronger prescription at some point.

I weep still for the horrible changes that my body and brain are going through and I weep because I'm 'getting old' but now, with an understanding GP and being in regular contact with a fantastic group of friends who are also going through this, I feel listened to, I feel understood and I feel validated. I no longer feel like I'm losing my mind; it occasionally goes missing for a bit but I can get it to come back.

I don't think anything could ever fully prepare a woman for 'The Change', not least because every woman's experience is so different, but I wish I had known more about this before it happened to me and that more members of the medical profession were educated on the subject.

There are now, thankfully, dozens of excellent sources of information on the internet but I have chosen to add below the link for Newson Health, the website of the wonderful Dr Louise Newson, a perimenopause and menopause specialist, who puts out consistently amazing content, advice and information.

Finally, I would like to say that if anything in this article has resonated with you and you would like reach out to me then please do so. I would be delighted to listen and talk and will, I'm pretty sure, be fully empathetic.

Don't let these changes define you. Don't suffer in silence. You are not alone.

❤️💪🏼

https://www.newsonhealth.co.uk/